A Blog in 2024?

Ahh shit, here we go again. I get into these funks time after time where I have to make a name for myself, or whatever. The late hours of the night become a catalyst for my internal dialogue to start yapping. Telling me to get my life together. Usually with unrealistic ideas accompanied with self-deprecation. Really, it’s probably just a lack of Vitamin D. The sun and walking is one hell of a combo. Don’t overlook the wonders it could do for your mind.

Me & sis took a stroll on our bikes around town. Really just exploring. Lots of mundane things that made for pretty pictures such as this swing set in a trailer home park. Some time in 2023. This trailer home neighborhood was full of life. Unfortunately I did not capture that part, but there were several families out and about. Kids playing, neighbors talking to each other, music being played from a stereo set from the limited space of a yard.

Here I am, halfway through 2024 and I decide I want to start a blog… again. People change and evolve. Me? In the middle of an identity crisis at 31 years of age. No, not like gender identity, but just… life identity.

Of course I’m not the only person in the world who feels like this. I’m willing to bet it’s most of us. Sometimes we have that figured out for a period of time, then we lose it, then it feels like square one again. And this is me at square one, not to be confused with rock bottom.

Michael

is my name. I guess I have to introduce myself somewhere. I always hate this part. I like to call myself a photographer. Pro? Not a shot. Maybe someone who just likes to take photographs is a better way to put it. I certainly have an eye, at least that’s what my un-artistically inclined coworkers say. But I guess they wouldn’t just say that to anybody.

I’ve been doing it non-seriously and sporadically since my first “real” camera, the Canon Rebel T1i. I bought it using financial aid money when I first started college back in 2010. Prior to that, I was using digicams before they were cool. Usually to shoot stop motion videos with my cousin. You can say that I’ve also shot a disposable film camera once or twice when I was entering my double digit years of life (10, 11), but of course, nothing serious. More like a family member would give me one for a few frames.

Really, I only started getting into film in the last couple of years. Funnily, my sister got into it with point and shoots way before me, and at which point, I was mocking her for using film at all due to it’s trendy “hipster” nature. Merm (my sis) grills me for shooting film now. She believes she’s the reason I got into film.
This was circa 2004? My swaggy sister in a hotel room during a family Disneyland trip. Random Kodak disposable camera. Someone had put this roll of film on my desk at home one day, presumably my dad. I scanned it and found some long lost gems.

So what is my goal with this blog? To be frank, I’m not 100% sure. I like to write sometimes. Maybe it will be more or less a personal journal for my photography. It will probably be heavily influenced by my mood. I seem to only write when I’m extremely bored or in some sort of rut, whether that be creatively, mentally, emotionally, whatever.

I have this idea of doing content creation. Starting a social media presence. As a matter of fact, I’ve tried doing that several times, but I don’t have the confidence. During my morning piss, in the 30 seconds total of standing above the toilet, I had a self-observation. That being, most of my life I just waited for things to happen or come to me. I have never been aggressive in pursuing anything really, even simple things. If it comes, it does, if it doesn’t, well, then I just really don’t know what I’m missing. And to answer that, I really missed a lot.

My 20s went by with nothing to really show for. Too much waiting, not much doing. And of course, as of August 2024, in the blink of an eye, I’m now 31 and a half, still waiting it seems.
This was in 2017? I was 24 years old. I was into the latest mirrorless camera digital technology. At this point, I was going pretty HAM on portraits, landscapes, weddings (semi-professionally), etc. A lot of experimenting and trying to prove my worth as a somebody.

You spend a lot of your 20s doing some self exploration. You’re still a sponge at that age. Trying to fit in was paramount. And for me, that version was using photography as a means to get a respectable Instagram follower account. Absolutely idiotic now that I look back at it. I felt that if I reached 10k+, I made it. Even if most of the followers were bots, or dead accounts (real people who would not engage with posts), I tried everything possible to get those numbers up. Everything except trying to get there organically.

Frankly, I thought having the latest photography gear would put me halfway there. At this point in time, shooting film was not even a thought in my head. It was just an inconvenient format that would “slow me down”. Why shoot film when I have auto focus, IBIS, 30,000 focus points, 10 FPS continuous shooting, instant satisfaction of seeing how good (or bad) the photograph was, blah blah blah.

Something that film photography taught me is to enjoy the scenes you are given. Take the photo and move on. I feel more present in life with a camera that is less technical. Getting them developed and scanned, sometimes months later, gives me a mini-hit of nostalgia or takes me back to a certain memory. Chicago 2024.

From my Canon Rebel T1i, I jumped straight into a Sony a6300 in 2016. Shortly there after, because of pressures from a very competitive friend who was also getting into cameras back then, I ditched the a6300 and bought the Sony a7rII. I thought I needed the bigger full-frame sensor and other features to stand a chance.

It took me a long time to realize that the camera is just a tool. There are plenty of people making great work on technically inferior gear. I fell short trying to chase clout. Using the tool as a crutch rather than actually learning photography on a deeper level. Not to say my work in my 20s was bad. My approach however, was very lackluster. It was all about getting noticed on the social media algo.

Dream Lake

What I believe to be one of my best photographs to date. This was most definitely a hit on the internet. Dream Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park. December of 2016. Very cliché of a shot looking back.

Celine

A good friend of mine. A random arcade in town in 2018. This style was trendy on IG, so I thought to get on the band wagon.

Weddings, Product, Commercial, etc.

I shot several weddings semi-professionally. Semi-professionally because I carried the weight of a separate 40 hour full time job while I was shooting the wedding gigs.

Product photography was something I really enjoyed because it was just me and the studio, albeit I didn’t do it much.

Commercial work for a local event supplier in town.

As you can see, the dichotomy of my work during my 20s is very different from picture to picture. I was trying to find my footing. I think it’s okay to experiment, change, and evolve, but my problem was: I was picking up the camera as means to a.) “get internet famous” and b.) become a billionaire from photography (lol).

I do believe it’s a good thing to be versatile. You learn a lot that way. I did of course make money from taking photography jobs, however, I feel that was not my main goal.

For me, the number one problem in all of this is: I was investing in everything but my personal growth. When you have this mindset of doing something to make money from, you put yourself in a box. You create this unnecessary pressure for yourself. You are bending and twisting any sense of passion and identity to fit the means of something that you are not. You are trying to please someone else, or some higher being (in my case, the social media algorithm).

Ultimately, what I’m getting at is: take pictures for yourself, not others. I guess in more broad and simple terms, create for yourself. I believe good things will naturally unfold with this mindset. I just don’t have the “fake it ‘til you make it” personality. That’s not to say that you don’t. Sometimes we all just try do what we feel at a specific era of our own timeline is right. I suppose that is just the journey of life.

To end this blog, here is a picture from more recent times.

I saw this woman walking barefoot during an annual American classic car parade here in my town. The cow print beanie alongside the bright red tank-top caught my eye. The tattoo of the double revolver creating a heart shape from the hammer and grips were the icing on the cake.

I assume this woman to be homeless, as she was walking barefoot and looked in rough shape. I usually don't try to photograph homeless, but for whatever reason, this woman in particular is someone who I will never forget.

At one point, I was actually in front of her. She was walking somewhat aimlessly, almost confused as to what was going on, but very calm. I couldn't help but notice this strange sorrow but curious look on her face, if that makes any sense. I take it she was trying to make sense of what was going on, as this festival took place on one of the busy streets (with a lot of homeless population) here in town. It almost seemed like she woke up and just came up on this car show.

I started walking towards her and let her pass me. This is when I saw the tattoo. This got me thinking of what this woman's past looked like. What was she like when she was younger? What did her upbringing look like? How did she get here? It's mildly frustrating that I'll never find out about her story. All I have are my one dimensional assumptions.

If you made it this far…

Thanks for reading. I’m not entirely sure the goal of this blog post. Hopefully it was inspiring, or at least made you think about things. I don’t know.